Mental health is good for you

Where was I?  Oh yes, living at my parent's house.  But I got a little ahead of myself.  Let's back track to when I had Michael.  It was overwhelming.  Becoming a family of four is intense.  First you have to worry about how the first kid will take everything.  Lizzy did quite well actually.  She seemed to be taking to being a big sister.  A loving big sister no less.  I, on the other hand, was struggling mentally and emotionally.  Oh I had lots of help.  My mom came to stay with us until we moved in with them, and Steve had off work for those first two weeks.  I thought it would be like with Lizzy, but a little easier since I already knew how to take care of a newborn.  I didn't really think of Lizzy needing a lot of attention too.  Steve and I would take turns with each kid on what they needed, but it seemed Lizzy only wanted me, and Mike needed me close for food so I was a little in demand and was losing my patience with it all.  I figured it was normal, and if I yelled a little it was to let off steam and was okay.  I wasn't yelling all the time.  Yet.

Switch back to living with Mom and Dad.  I had help, yes, but not as much help as I thought I needed.  I was basically a single parent that felt guilty for asking for help from my parents.  It was usually me taking care of Mike (he was eating like crazy and I was the only food source), and Lizzy wanting all of my attention.  I just couldn't do that, who could?  So I would ask Mom or Dad to help out.  At first they were happy to, but once we had been living there for a couple of weeks, they would hem and haw about helping out more and more.  It was like I was imposing on them, or at least that's what it felt like to me.  I get it, they did this already, they're older and get tired easily, and so I would stop asking and just let one of the kids cry or whine.  It inevitably lead to Dad or Mom asking me why I wasn't taking care of whoever was crying.  I started to yell more at the kids, and feel very put out and annoyed with everyone.  I mean, why was it all falling on my shoulders?  Why was I having to do all of the work?  Steve was still in Dallas working, and would come in on the weekends.  But I would still have to get up and stay up at night to feed Mike while Steve got to go back to bed.  It got to where I was envious of him and felt resentful, but I never took it out on him.  Instead I just yelled at the kids more often, and it didn't help that Lizzy went 2 weeks with diarrhea from stress and the fact that Steve wasn't around.

Then came time that Steve moved in with us as well.  I thought, finally I get to have somewhat of a break.  It didn't work out that way though.  I still had to be the one to get up at night (even though Steve got up too, to change the diaper while I got ready to nurse), and I didn't get a break during the day because one of us had to watch one kid while the other watched the other kid.  By then, Mom and Dad checked out on helping unless it was specifically asked of them.  Again, I got it, they figured Steve was now here, so why should they help?  In my head, I knew if we weren't living with them I would feel no need for them to help out, but living with them had me thinking that they should.  Like I said, my mental health was taking a nose dive.  I felt anger, resentment, and frustration all the time.  I wasn't happy, though I put on a really good front.  So good, that I even convinced myself that I was happy.  I was still yelling at the kids whenever they would cry or whine.  It grated on my nerves so much, and I wanted it all to stop.  To just have one hour of no tantrums, no crying, no having to take care of anyone.  I didn't get it though.

Then I had enough.  I couldn't handle living with my parents anymore.  Steve was getting a little annoyed as well.  So we made sure we could have two houses at once (at least for a couple months until we sold the first one (which had been on the market for 3 months by this time with only 2 showings and no offers)), and set out looking for a home.  It only took us 2.5 weeks to find it.  We put an offer on it immediately, and went through the long process of buying it.  We closed on the new house on August 26, 2011, but didn't move in right away.  We needed to paint, clean, and get it ready to move into.  Finally on September 9, 2011 we stayed at our new house for the first time.  Everything was clean, was pretty, and we had all of our furniture and things from storage.  I thought I would feel happier now.  We were finally in our own place, we were done moving.  But it was just one more thing that made me spiral deeper into wherever the hell I was.

And now Mike is up from his nap, so I will continue this another time.



Lizzy is 2 years 8 months and Mike is 9 months old and I am realizing that I had a lot of triggers that I ignored

Happy late birthday?

Okay, so a lot has happened. Lizzy turned 11, then 12, and is now 13 months old. She's currently teething her molars (fun stuff!), and she's been walking since 2 days before her birthday. Heh, if you think I'm bad at keeping up with this blog, just think of how I am with her First Year Calendar :P

Lizzy decided, 2 days before she turned 1, so start walking without any help. And because she had been cruising along anything and everything for so long (about 3-4 months) she took right off and didn't even fall! It took her awhile to get the hang of standing up from a sitting position to start walking, but if she was already standing, look out! Since she's now about 13.5 months she's RUNNING everywhere and won't stay still for a minute. It's like she has a whole world to explore and she can't miss a minute of it. Gone are the days of being able to go out to eat for us. Now we must either let her walk around, following her while one of us eats, or we just forgo the whole "going out to eat" business. Maybe in a couple years we'll be able to go to a restaurant with her again, but until then it's either eating at our house or someone else's :)

Molars suck. As soon as she turned a year old, she start teething for her molars. At least that's what I'm telling myself to make myself feel better about all of the fussiness and temper tantrums that are happening. Where did my sweet little angel go? I digress... So Lizzy now has one molar on the bottom right and bottom left one is on it's way. It's gotten to the point that her teeth are causing her to get sick. She currently has a wet cough (yummy isn't it?) and her diapers are, well, I just won't go there. Needless to say that my first comment in this paragraph is the honest to God's truth. MOLARS SUCK!

I can't believe my little girl is a year! Can you? Probably...but I can't! I remember fondly of the times when she would just sleep in my arms weighing only 10 lbs, or when she would just sit on the floor and not move b/c she didn't know how to. I think I'm tearing up a bit...

I signed Lizzy up for a Mommy's Day Out program at a church that's about half a mile from the house. She starts the day after Labor Day and will go on Tuesday and Thursday from 9am to 2pm. I will have 10 hours by myself every week!!! Unless there's a school holiday, as the church goes by the LEISD school calendar. But still, my house will be clean again! I will be sane again! I will get SLEEP again! Can you tell I'm excited? I love Lizzy, I really really do, but Momma needs some time to herself.

In about 2 weeks, Lizzy and I are heading to Houston for a 2 week vacation to see family and friends. That means Steve gets the house (and animals) all to himself for 2 weeks straight. Will be go back to his bachelor ways (meaning eating beans on tortillas for dinner and other fine cuisine)? We shall see. Meanwhile, Lizzy and I will be meeting up with Aunt Rosanna, Ko-Ko, Grandma, Grandpa, Aunt Jennifer, Aunt Kara, Uncle Greg, Uncle David, Aunt Emily, Uncle Vlad, (Aunt) Karen, (Uncle) Jason, (Aunt) Mary, and many other family and friends that I'm just not in the mood to name. All I know is Lizzy will start off with dinner with Steve's family, then have fun with other family and friends, go to a wedding, head to Gavleston at some point, and end our vacation in Austin. (Aunt) Karen will get to babysit for an hour or two while Steve (he's meeting up with us in Austin) and I go to a birthday dinner for (Uncle) Jeff. Then it'll be girl time for Karen, Lizzy and I while Daddy goes out partying with Jeff and friends. It'll be a good great vacation.

And now for some pictures...

Labor Day and 4 months

Labor Day Weekend was a fun one for us. Thursday we traveled to Houston to break up the time in the car. We stayed the night in Houston and spent half of Friday with Grandma and Grandpa. Grandma and Grandpa were going on a 5 day cruise the next day, so they wouldn't be in Galveston while we were there, and Lizzy needed to get in time with her grandparents.

We left Houston around 2 PM and hung out at the beach house in Galveston for the rest of the day. Lizzy got to lay on a pallet and play, sleep in a swing, and go downstairs to watch her puppies run after a ball. At 9 PM Aunt Jennifer, Uncle Greg, Sydney, and Parker showed up. Sydney was asleep already, but Parker decided it was time to play. By then it was time for Lizzy to start to head to bed. Since we were traveling Lizzy didn't sleep as well as she normally does. The night before she had gotten up at 1 AM, 6 AM, and 8 AM. That night she woke up at 3 AM, 6 AM, and 7:30 AM.

Saturday was a fun day. I made breakfast (with help from Aunt Jennifer) and then we spent most of the day downstairs watching Sydney and Parker swim in the blowup pool, and watching the dogs run after balls and frizbees. We brought the swing downstairs and whenever Lizzy was tired, I would set her in it and she would go right to sleep. There was a nice breeze all day that kept the mosquitoes away. In the middle of the day everyone decided to take a nap, but Lizzy and Sydney weren't tired, so I stayed awake to watch them. We went downstairs to have some fun with the dogs and so that we wouldn't wake up everyone upstairs. After a while, Greg came down because he heard the ice cream man and thought Sydney was downstairs by herself. We got ice cream though, so no nap wasn't so bad. That night Lizzy woke up at 2:30 AM and 6 AM.

Steve decided to wake up with Lizzy to let me sleep until 8 AM on Sunday. Aunt Shirley showed up around 8:30 AM and played with Lizzy while we all ate breakfast. After eating it was time to head to the beach. I didn't have a swim diaper, but Lizzy swim suit has a built in one, so we just used that. I needn't have worried though, as she didn't potty until we got back to the house and in the bath. At the beach I held her in the shallow water while Aunt Jennifer got some pictures. After being in the water I wrapped a towel around her and she passed out. Water always relaxes her. Back at the house we both rinsed off to get the salt water off of us. Then we all headed over to Aunt Shirley and Uncle William's beach house. Kevin and his family, William and his family, and Aunt Shirley and Uncle William were all down for the day. It was getting late after a while, so Daddy, Lizzy, and I went back to our beach house to finish packing. We left around 8 PM.

That night Lizzy slept from 11 PM to 7 AM with no waking inbetween. I have a feeling she was just as exhausted as Daddy and I were. We left Houston around 11 AM and got back home at 3 PM. It was actually a really good car ride.

That Monday Lizzy turned 4 months old as well. We had a doctor's appointment on Tuesday for her 4 month well check. Here are her stats:

Weight: 16.06 lbs (97th percentile)
Length: 24.25 inches (50th percentile)
Head circumference: 16.5 inches
All developments on track

I thought maybe she had an ear infection because her right ear smelled a little yeasty Monday night after her bath, but the doctor checked both ears and they're both perfect. Aside from thinking that, everything is great with her. The doctor was happy that I only had that one question. He asked if she was on any solids yet and I said no. He said that at her next well check we would talk about solids since she'll be 6 months by then. Oh my baby is growing up!

Speaking of growing up, guess what she JUST did?!?!?! She rolled over from back to front! Now she can roll over both ways! Oh, it's so exciting. I got a short video of her doing it too, I need to upload it and show everyone!

Time to get back to playing with Lizzy...

4 weeks old today!

I can't believe Lizzy is already 4 weeks old. It's gone by so fast! Seems like it was just yesterday that she was sleeping all the time and we were having trouble with breastfeeding. Now she actually stays awake some of the day and is nursing like a champ. She knows who I am and likes to look at me. She's still not smiling on her own, but I think that happens more toward the 8 week mark. From what I've read, she should start making cooing noises soon. Can't wait for those!

We have such a grunter on our hands. She even grunts in her sleep. Like right now, she's napping and grunting at the same time. I just got all of the extra stuff we had out of her crib and put away. Tonight we'll transition her into the crib. When Steve gets home from work we'll set up the monitor in her room. She's gotten to where she sleeps well in her bassinet, so hopefully this change will go smoothly. Maybe this will help Steve's and my sleep patterns. When she grunts, it wakes us up, so we don't get a good a sleep as we could while she's out.

I can definitely tell it's summer. Lizzy sweats when sleeping in her swing during the day. I don't like it when she sweats so now I've started putting her in her bassinet for her daytime naps. So far so good on her not sweating. I seem to be sweating 24/7, but I attribute that to hormones and not the weather. I did turn the A/C 2 degrees cooler during the day, though, so we'll see if that helps as well.

A week ago we started going on morning walks with the dogs. We did it every day from Wednesday until Saturday. I figured we could take a break on Sunday. I fully intended to start walking again Monday, but we had a huge thunderstorm come through. Tuesday was the same thing, but only rain no lightning. Wedensday morning saw rain again. This morning we actually had a nice morning, but we were up from 11:30 PM to 3 AM cluster feeding so I decided it was better for us to sleep than to walk. Tomorrow...tomorrow I plan on walking. It's good for all of the household. 1) Lizzy gets fresh air, 2) I get exercise, and 3) the dogs get exercise. Need to keep up with it.

We have somewhat of a daily routine. This is how our day usually goes:

4 or 5 AM - last feeding of the night/diaper change
6 AM - naps while I get Steve's lunch made and breakfast ready
7 AM - go on our walk
8 AM - naps while I shower
8:30 AM - bathtime for Lizzy
9 AM - feed
10 AM - naps while I either nap or clean the house
12 PM - feed/diaper change
1 PM - awake time
4 PM - feed/diaper change
5 PM - either naps or awake time
7 PM - feed/diaper change/change into night clothes
8 PM - bedtime
10 PM - feed/diaper change
11 PM - either back to bed or awake time
1 AM - feed/diaper change
2 AM - back to bed
4 or 5 AM - last feeding of the night

Sometimes we have cluster feedings in there, where she'll feed every 30 minutes or every hour. She is a growing girl! But so far, that's our day. And of course those times can vary.

Well, time for me to get back to my day. Lizzy is napping (she last fed at 10:30 AM), so I better go nap as well.